Understanding Underwear

Women are an unexplained mystery I think ranks right up there with the likes of the Bermuda Triangle and Bigfoot. Just when you think you finally have them figured out, they find a way to throw you off track and keep you guessing. But what’s even more of a mystery than women? The motivation behind their underwear.

The other week, after taking a trip to Victoria’s Secret with Erica (my wife), I asked her what compels women to wear fancy underwear. I’m still as confused as ever even after talking to her, but according to what she said, women like their underwear to match their total outfit. Like an accessory. An accessory that no one ever sees. Makes sense, right? Let me go buy an expensive sports car and always leave it parked in the garage with the cover on.

And of course, we all know Victoria’s Secret underwear is not cheap. I mean, we are talking upwards of $25 per pair if it’s not on sale. And she wonders why I wore the same ten pair for eight years until they had holes in them. It was so she could afford to buy new underwear every few months after she got bored of the hundred pairs she had. Thank you Roy Raymond for being embarrassed to buy your wife lingerie in a public department store causing you to open up the first Victoria’s Secret. I’ve personally seen the “get me the heck out of here before I die of boredom” looks on hundreds of men being dragged through VS by their wives. So really, Roy, all you managed to do was make women’s underwear really REALLY expensive while keeping men just as embarrassed to discuss their wives’ unmentionables with female strangers. But I digress. 

As Erica and I progressed further into the conversation, she also mentioned women like their underwear to match the outfits they wear because it makes them feel as if they have their life together. So, for all you children wanting to be ghosts this Halloween, make sure you wear your glow-in-the-dark Casper undies, and it’ll be the best you’ve ever felt. Guys, just remember not to go up to that woman in the grocery store who seems to be a complete mess and tell her she should have matched her underwear today. 

Still confused as to why women like to wear their underwear adorned with all the little bows and lace since no one sees them, I asked Erica again why all the hype for fancy underwear. She then tells me that I get to see them. Why, yes! Yes, I do see them. Usually once a week while I’m helping fold laundry. All kidding aside, she also said that women often change in front of each other and so they tend to see each other in their underwear. Now, to me that made more sense. Fancy underwear is a competition between women to see who can wear their grandmother’s recycled doilies the best.

In the end, I didn’t learn much of anything as to why women wear the underwear that they do. It just makes them feel good to do so, and as men, I guess we really don’t need to understand why. What’s most important is having conversations with your wife about topics that interest her, and enjoying all of the time you get to spend together, even if it means going shopping with her for some new panties. And, you never know, showing an honest interest in her likes just might end with a special gift to you from Victoria’s Secret. Thanks, Roy.